i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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