I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
