i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
