Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
