how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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