i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
