wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
