How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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