Barsexuality is the new black.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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