Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
