I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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