He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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