He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
