It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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