i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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