If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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