He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
