Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
either way he was missing a nipple.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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