it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
