did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
