It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
