I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
