She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
