just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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