Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Randomize
