I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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