im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
