end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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