i'm signing you up for texting rehab
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
