last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
