I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
