I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
