She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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