She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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