You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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