i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
