He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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