I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have grass duct taped all over my body
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
