Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
