You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
