What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
