So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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