I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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