mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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