I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
