even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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