He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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