my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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