before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
