you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
