I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
